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Solid
-Generally, your grasp of the importance and flexibility of language (how it comes to us, what qualifies as reading and writing, etc.). The gut feeling I got from this paper was a good one I felt safe in the author's hands because he seemed aware of the very realness of reading and writing (it's not just something that happens in a classroom).
-Your discussion of rap music (p.-). This was particularly solid in relation to the rest of your paper because you 1) narrated the activity and then ) fully thought out its significance to you and other audiences.
-Several of your sentences are pure poetry. "We read our mothers smiles when she rocked us to sleep." "…and your mother said 'stop that' you knew she meant business." "The public also reads people by their appearance…"
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-The way you open up your paper in the concluding paragraph to a new idea (taking a broad definition of reading and writing into the schools). You have articulated a very open theory of reading and writing in your paper, and it's like you say "Here's what we could do with it."
Could be solid
-In your first two paragraphs, you flesh out a theory of reading and writing. This is an excellent place for doing that sort of thing because it provides a context for the reader. It's like saying, "Reader, I want to tell you where I'm coming from so that you understand how to interpret the events I'm going to tell you about." However, for a paper of this length, the introduction (what I consider your first two paragraphs) is probably too long. I came to this paper with expectations that it was going to be about you and got weighed down in the opening abstract discussion of reading and writing (particularly in the second paragraph). It could be condensed in order to get the reader more quickly to YOU. This is, after all, an autobiography.
-The transition from the introduction to the rest of your paper. I think that with whatever you end up making your introduction…toward the end of it, you should relate your theory of reading and writing specifically back to you. The road map thing. As it is now, your introduction does prepare me in a sense for the rest of the paper because in your introduction you explode the meaning of reading to include everything under the sun. But I need a sense of the specific things you'll discuss and why you chose them over other possibilities.
Not so solid
-The discussion of Michael Jackson could be erased. You made your point about music's effect on you very persuasively with rap music. The Michael Jackson portion read more like a "shout out" to a favorite musician than an actual discussion of his significance. If he stays in there, he needs to be more fully developed. What is it specifically about his music? Are there specific songs/lyrics of his that are meaningful to you? Did his music ever have a very dramatic effect on you at a specific time?
-The discussion of movies, the public's judgment of appearance, and the news need to be rooted in more specifics. I have a general idea, but like my sophomore English teacher from high school used to say, "You're only as good as you are specific." A passionate writer will help the reader by finding examples that stick. Not just talking about the news in a general sort of way, but discussing a very specific article or headline that affected him. Not just talking about movies in a general way, but discussing a very specific one. It's that balance between general commentary and very specific examples that makes an excellent paper excellent.
Point at which I lost myself
-The first few lines…"you don't only read books, but you read everyone and everything around you." These lines excited me because I felt the paper wasn't going to give me a ho-hum traditional view of reading and writing. "We read our mothers smiles when she rocked us to sleep." That's when I REALLY gave myself up to your paper. The poetry of that line was incredible, especially followed by the short explanation of significance "That showed us love."
Other points to consider
-Think about what we discussed in class regarding introductions and conclusions. Does your conclusion "talk" to your introduction? Does it resonate? Echo?
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